“Hey do you like sports?” was the only content of an email I just got from sportsguy253.  And now I am no longer a subscriber to internet dating sites.  That’s it, it pushed me over the edge.  You’re probably thinking, “Why? That doesn’t sound like an absurd question.”  But it totally proves my theory that guys on internet dating sites fall into 5 categories:

1. Ugly (beware of “Ask me for my photo.”)

2. Socially retarded

3. Has a job that completely consumes his life

4. Pervert

5. Not interested in girls

Sportsguy253 falls into category #5.  If a guys says “I’m looking for a girl who likes the outdoors, likes to play sports, likes to watch sports, likes to talk about sports, and likes to try new sports” he’s totally a #5.  Hey buddy, you’re not looking for a girlfriend, you’re looking for a dude, and that’s why you’re single.  And most girls who are THAT athletic are border line lesbian, so it only makes sense that #5s have never found love. Now, guys can be a member of more than one category.  They like to use excuses like, “I just moved here,” “I’m tired of the bar scene,” and “I like to get to know new people.”  Bull shit.  Pick a number.