Okay, sorry Claire. Don’t hate me for this one. I had a short-lived text message sex situation with a certain sweaty mechanic who has made me want to stab my own eyes out for the past three years that I’ve known him/wanted to lick the bottom of his shoes (or his chest…whichever). It started this past March, when he awkwardly admitted that he had had feelings for me for the previous two years that we had known each other, depsite his girlfriend (and my ex boyfriend who I had just broken up with two months prior). So since we both had the hots for one another but couldn’t do much about it because of the she-devil he refuses to break up with, we spent a lovely evening sending each other sexy and even better, skanky, texts while he was at a wedding. It was the red-headed spawn of Satan’s friend who was marrying her baby daddy, and since she was a bridesmaid, my beefy mechanic had to sit at a table with the other leftovers (most of whom didn’t speak English). So with his sunglasses on, he sat at the table for 4 hours and texted me his dirtiest thoughts. The whole time he was looking up and nodding or winking at the spawn to keep her satisfied so that she wouldn’t go over and bother him. Eventually his battery died and that was the end of that. Until work the next day …
Has it really come to this? I know its 2008 and it’s the decade of AIM, MSN Messenger, G-Chat, Treos, BlackBerrys, Bluetooth, Sidekicks and the iPhone, but sex messaging? Really??? Don’t get me wrong…I’m not one to turn down any kind of technology; I mean, I actually think I have an addiction to the internet (i.e. reading PerezHilton.com, checking Facebook and MySpace, etc.) however, where exactly do we draw the line?
Personally, I secretly curse all of this technology. It may seem fucking fantastic that you can check out the MySpace page of the guy you formerly thought you were going to marry – oh, and let’s not forget his new girlfriend. I’m not the only one who looks at the pictures, analyzing everything from her faux tan that’s so NOT the good spray on kind (and I also count down the days until the sun makes her look like a 78 year old piece of leather) to how she wears pink ALL THE FUCKING TIME and how completely obnoxious that is. You may even think that you’re lucky that you’re facebook friends with the guy’s new girlfriend or “whatever” that you spent the summer obsessing over. The same guy that you thought was great because he was actually into dating girls…just not YOU. It’s a curse. All of this technology is a giant mind fuck. I miss the good old days when you called someone’s – GASP – land line. Now, I couldn’t name five people under the age of 30 that even HAVE a land line. If they weren’t there…hey, they have a fucking LIFE and you don’t. You leave a message on their answering machine and they get it when they get it.
My point is this- are we that fucking lazy? Not only are we too lazy to have actual sex but we’re lazy to the point where we don’t even want to use our weekday minutes to have phone sex? So instead, we count in that we have the sweet $4.99 a month deal from AT&T where we get 1500 text messages a month and figure hey…”I have a QWERTY keyboard on my Palm Treo…why not?”
The Ghost is infamous for this. The texts start our innocently enough and then I get “send me a pic of your boobs or a side profile of your body” or he asks “what are you doing” and when I respond “sitting on my bed studying” he replies “ok…start rubbing your tits and get yourself comfortable.” Excuse me? I’m not studying for my mammogram…I’m studying Italian, asshole.
It’s so nice…in theory. I throw the question out there and wonder if this little arrangement actually works out for anyone? I’ve tried it myself (mainly as a distraction to get over someone else and have a little fun) but I ended up getting attached, lied to and hurt – hell, that bastard even broke my laptop! I knew it was coming (and come on, who doesn’t read all the “warnings” in magazines and listen to idiots like Tyra Banks ramble on about them) so really I had to accept the repercussions of my actions- how after school special is that?
I want to believe that some people, or maybe I should say some women, can actually accept this mutual usury…but I just can’t. I don’t judge people for having casual sex…I envy them. I love sex but maybe that’s the problem…love shouldn’t be before the word sex in a friends with benefits situation. In college, sex was always on the menu; there were so many guys that, at the very least, I found attractive enough to make out with. So how is it that in New York City, I can’t even find that?
Now I’ve got this little conundrum- there is a guy in my mutual group of friends (let’s call him “The Ghost”) and he’s made it perfectly and abundantly clear that he would like to have sex with me. Now, being a fairly attractive, friendly girl, this is not the first time I’ve received this proposition, but I’ve always refused since the incident mentioned above. I learned my lesson from that asshole- I was never going to let someone treat me like shit ever again, blah blah and all that she-power type crap. Whatever…my name is Claire and I like sex. The Ghost is cute…and has an amazing body…and he makes me laugh…but, to his credit, he has said TWICE that he “can’t do relationships right now due to things going on in his life” but he always has time for sex, apparently. Tonight we were texting back and forth (aka he was telling me to send him boob pics). To me, this means “I’m immature and want the best of both worlds” but who can blame him? He’s a guy with a job that keeps weird hours and hey, if he can go to a bar and “get the milk for free” then why not? You have to appreciate his honesty…and I think that’s what makes me even consider this little arrangement. But then I worry that I’ll get attached. No, who am I kidding? I KNOW I’ll get attached and I’ll then have to deal with the outcome of that. Plus I already had sex with one of his best friends who I really liked…and he crushed me, hard. I’m still not over that and even though The Ghost and his friend are completely different people (even The Ghost said this), I just couldn’t bear another 6 months of being sad and rejected. I go back and forth, back and forth even though I know deep down that I will only get hurt. And ultimately, I think “hey, I deserve more…why should I settle?” But is it really settling when you have nothing better? Isn’t that what settling is? When you have something better and you don’t care? Well I don’t have anything better and I’m not ashamed to admit it. Then there’s the little glimmer of optimism that I have left since being CRUSHED by so many men, that makes me think “hey, maybe he’ll realize he likes me as more than friends after we spend some time together?” YEAH CAUSE THAT HAPPENS SO OFTEN.
Basically I know that the cons are really outweighing the pros…but damn, it’s just…so…tempting.
