Well, it’s officially been a year since Billy and I broke up. He called me the other day when I was driving into work to ask me about some story he read in the news that happened near my job. I thought that it was kind of odd that he wouldn’t just ask his friend, who works at the same place as me. Why did he feel it was necessary to call me up first thing in the morning just to laugh about some dumb fucking guy who’s GPS told him to make a right onto the Saw Mill, and instead, he made a right onto the train tracks which are about 10 feet before the Saw Mill. I mean, it was a pretty hilarious story, but still. I don’t understand why he felt compelled to call me for that one. And the last two times I talked to him, (the last one being about two or three months ago when he called because his mother lent me some Jesus book a long time ago that I never read and she wanted it back so that she could give it to someone else) I asked him how things are going with his new girlfriend, and both times he said, “Oh, pretty good” in his special little way that means “not as great as I would like, but since we’re just making small talk, I’m not going to go into detail. Why wouldn’t he just say, “Things are great!”??!?! HE’S SO BAD AT KNOWING WHEN TO LIE!! That’s why. He still hasn’t figured out that honesty is NOT always the best policy. Like, when you love your dog to the point where you gaze longingly into her eyes while caressing the area behind her ears before laying her down on top of you to settle in for a cozy tandem nap (yes, I’m still talking about his DOG), you should try to hide those special moments from your girlfriend who is overtly vying for your attention. With a dog. I had to compete with the dog. And his truck. The first year that we were dating, he told me his truck was an ‘83, as he rubbed the rusty hood. I told him that I was born in ‘83, so the truck and I were the same age. “And the truck’s in better condition!!” was his response. Fucking redneck.
So anyways, he kinda sorta left me with an open invitation to come up to the lake by his house and ice fish with him.
Is he really that dumb? Is it possible?
♣
