It’s so nice…in theory. I throw the question out there and wonder if this little arrangement actually works out for anyone? I’ve tried it myself (mainly as a distraction to get over someone else and have a little fun) but I ended up getting attached, lied to and hurt – hell, that bastard even broke my laptop! I knew it was coming (and come on, who doesn’t read all the “warnings” in magazines and listen to idiots like Tyra Banks ramble on about them) so really I had to accept the repercussions of my actions- how after school special is that?

I want to believe that some people, or maybe I should say some women, can actually accept this mutual usury…but I just can’t. I don’t judge people for having casual sex…I envy them. I love sex but maybe that’s the problem…love shouldn’t be before the word sex in a friends with benefits situation. In college, sex was always on the menu; there were so many guys that, at the very least, I found attractive enough to make out with. So how is it that in New York City, I can’t even find that?

Now I’ve got this little conundrum- there is a guy in my mutual group of friends (let’s call him “The Ghost”) and he’s made it perfectly and abundantly clear that he would like to have sex with me. Now, being a fairly attractive, friendly girl, this is not the first time I’ve received this proposition, but I’ve always refused since the incident mentioned above. I learned my lesson from that asshole- I was never going to let someone treat me like shit ever again, blah blah and all that she-power type crap. Whatever…my name is Claire and I like sex. The Ghost is cute…and has an amazing body…and he makes me laugh…but, to his credit, he has said TWICE that he “can’t do relationships right now due to things going on in his life” but he always has time for sex, apparently. Tonight we were texting back and forth (aka he was telling me to send him boob pics). To me, this means “I’m immature and want the best of both worlds” but who can blame him? He’s a guy with a job that keeps weird hours and hey, if he can go to a bar and “get the milk for free” then why not? You have to appreciate his honesty…and I think that’s what makes me even consider this little arrangement. But then I worry that I’ll get attached. No, who am I kidding? I KNOW I’ll get attached and I’ll then have to deal with the outcome of that. Plus I already had sex with one of his best friends who I really liked…and he crushed me, hard. I’m still not over that and even though The Ghost and his friend are completely different people (even The Ghost said this), I just couldn’t bear another 6 months of being sad and rejected. I go back and forth, back and forth even though I know deep down that I will only get hurt. And ultimately, I think “hey, I deserve more…why should I settle?” But is it really settling when you have nothing better? Isn’t that what settling is? When you have something better and you don’t care? Well I don’t have anything better and I’m not ashamed to admit it. Then there’s the little glimmer of optimism that I have left since being CRUSHED by so many men, that makes me think “hey, maybe he’ll realize he likes me as more than friends after we spend some time together?” YEAH CAUSE THAT HAPPENS SO OFTEN.

Basically I know that the cons are really outweighing the pros…but damn, it’s just…so…tempting.